apology

This one had to be titled thus as I owe an apology for not posting for so long - I'm very sorry.

To sum things up, for around three weeks I wore the implant very little, then gradually built my tolerance back to the point where I was able to wear it for a whole week on its own, without the hearing aid, as I had done before.

Unfortunately on Tuesday 26th February I woke up to find my sense of balance affected on the implanted side. The first two days were awful - my room seemed to spin round and round and I felt like throwing up. Since then it has stabilised and remained constant from day to day. It's not so bad that i fall over or anything like that, but when I walk the world seems to wobble, a bit like being permanently drunk or maybe having glasses on that are too strong. It sometimes makes me feel sick and makes me feel really tired but there's not much i can do about it, it's supposed to get better by itself in time.

Since then I've found it difficult to wear the implant at all - the weird sounds I perceive with the implant wear me down and make me feel even more dizzy so it's just frustrating and I'm having to be very patient and wait, and have gone back to wearing my hearing aid for the second time. Ironically a workmate commented yesterday that my hearing seemed to have got much better and I had to explain that's actually because i am wearing the hearing aid instead of the implant!

At times I do get upset and angry that no-one can tell me why it's happened at this point or how long it might take to get better. It's debilitating and feels like i have acquired another disability - I can't do so many things such as riding my bike and other activities which i had really enjoyed resuming after the operation and which had helped me feel i was getting back to normal. It's now been two and a half weeks and feels like a long time.